the past few days i have been battling with one question, “am i crazy?!”…this is a question i’ve been asking myself because it seems that people around me have been super duper rude and think that they are allowed! i don’t know whether it’s cultural or just familial. is it because i’m Filipino and that Filipinos are extremely courteous at the least or is it because my family has taught me to be polite? it seems that here, i’m an exception to the rule. the rule here is, be rude and you’ll succeed. be rude and you’ll never get hurt. be rude and you’ll go far. the past few days, i’ve been seriously thinking about the past year, and the many times i’ve felt used & disrespected. the most awful part is that the people that have mistreated me are my friends. my own friends. i feel crazy because it seems i’m the only one who sees that their actions are completely wrong. completely abnormal. i cannot go into detail what they’ve done because that would just cause complete chaos, more chaos than what’s in my head & heart at this very moment. and so forgive me for writing this but it has been long overdue and trust that what i’m saying is coming from my heart & not just the pain it has caused me for the past year. i guess good guys do finish last because the nicer person usually gets hurt. for me to actually wanting to care less just so i wouldn’t be hurt anymore is plain ridiculous but it’s only natural i suppose. i don’t want to care for these people anymore. but it’s not who i am. it’s natural for me to give more than i should. and so i finally answered the question today…i’m not crazy. i’m just normal.
